WAYT: Don't Shoot

What are you thinking about today?  Are you thinking about current events?  I cannot stop thinking about the school shooting in Ohio. 

Not only did my high school classmates and I experience 9-11 together; before that, we experienced Columbine together.  I can’t remember why I wasn’t at school that day, but when the shooting was actually occurring, I was sitting in my Grandma’s car.  The radio was broadcasting a play-by-play from the scene.  It was terrifying.  

At that time in my life, I didn’t know anything about mental health problems in children.  The biggest issue back then was Ritalin.  Among my classmates, there were outcasts who might have been capable of that kind of senseless destruction.  I’m sure I was a bully, to one degree or another.  Now that I’m older, I feel that silence makes you complicit, so I know now that I was guilty then. 

(Can I say I’m sorry?)

My husband is earning a master’s degree so that one day he can serve as a principal.  He worked on a major project recently that studied bullying.  It was terrifying.  The scariest conclusion Frank pointed out to me is that in today’s society, children are bombarded 24-7 with Facebook and texting.  There’s nowhere to hide from your peers when they want to hurt you. 

Is that the problem today?  What do you think? 

What I really want to sound off on is guns.  Many people don’t share my point of view on guns.  I don’t think anyone but police officers on duty and military service members on a field of battle should have access to a gun.  Guns kill people. 

But today I just can’t get into that.  I feel so weighed down and scattered by the loss of these children’s lives and innocence.  What brought them to the tragic conclusion of their short lives?  Why did it have to end this way?

A school shooting can happen anywhere at any time.  God forbid, but it could one day happen at the school in your neighborhood.  God forbid, it could happen at my husband’s school.  When Auggie’s a student in a few short years, this danger will lurk in the back of my mind.  Today these fears are paralyzing me. 

What is being done to prevent violence in schools?  Are parents involved enough in their children’s lives?  Are their teachers tough enough to spot the hard things in their lives?  Are children warned about the danger of hurtful words, of neglectful indifference to the child sitting next to them in class every day?  Could they even grasp that murder is a potential consequence of even the most minor of slights?  That is hard for even me to comprehend as a grown adult! 

Maybe the problem is that we don’t speak about the consequences enough, or at all.  If a child walks into a school, aims a gun at a fellow student and pulls the trigger, thousands of things shatter in the world surrounding those two babies.  Did anyone tell those babies that life is so fragile that you break it a little just by thinking about this kind of scenario? 

This isn’t the best day for me to be blogging, since I’m not being very clear on anything.  But I hope that I’m bringing different perspectives to light for you, my readers.  Any words that I can share that help to stop this kind of thing are worth it, whether my ideas are fully fleshed out or not. 

In conclusion, follow this link: http://youtu.be/07Mx-sOJ8Po  It’s a message from some middle schoolers I know. 

WAYT: Get ready for the primary!

I have been so incredibly busy at work lately.  I haven’t revealed the name of my employer on here because I don’t know how they would feel about it and because in this day and age, the work I do can be even more polarizing than my own personal opinions. 

One big project I’ve been working on is helping to sort out the new legislative districts.  The primary election is less than one month away!  What are you thinking about the upcoming primary? 

A lot has changed in Illinois because of these new maps.  Everyone who we’ve known since living in Downs has been mapped out of our area and new people have been mapped in.  This election is going to bring big changes to who represents us. 

The trouble (or is it good news?) is that I personally heard from both of the candidates vying for the State Senate seat in our new district.  My organization conducted an interview and I just happened to be asked by my boss to go with him to staff the meeting.  It was incredibly interesting.  Suffice to say that one candidate is a long-time legislator and one is completely new to state politics.  The differences were stark.  There is an air of experience that a person carries with him when he’s been at the game for a while, and with politicians, it’s palpable.  Sort of like fairy dust, shimmering in the air around him – you can see it. 

There are benefits and downsides to having legislators with experience.  On the one hand, experience gets you somewhere.  If your legislator has been around for a while, he knows people and has connections.  The good things that you want him to do have a shot of surviving the legislative process.  On the other hand, experience draws your legislator into the deep, dark alleyways of politics.  If your legislator has been around for a while, he knows people and has connections.  The things about politics that everyone hates – money and influence – start to impact your legislator and thereby, the legislative process. 

The word “election,” to me, is synonymous with the word “choice.”  This primary isn’t something to take lightly, because for years now already, Downs and every community surrounding it has been affected by Illinois’ on-going budget crisis.  The person we choose to represent us will inherit many tough battles.  Will the voters choose someone who can handle the pressure?  Will the voters choose someone who we can ask to fight for us – someone who can take the heat from his constituents?

The way I see it, elections must go beyond picking the best person for the job.  You have the make that person accountable to you, whether he/she got your vote or not.  I hope that whoever is chosen in the primary, voters will take their action one step further.  Vote, and then, regardless of the outcome, call, meet or email your officials! Tell them your opinion so that you can hear what they’ll do about it.  Start the dialogue now. 

It’s not about voting early and often, because we all know that phrase has sadly become a sick joke in Illinois.  It’s about speaking your mind early and often.  Your legislators need to know what you are thinking.  You can’t complain about the unfairness or the bad decisions if you’ve never tried to impact the process, and they can’t do the good work you want them to do if you don’t tell them your goals, dreams, ambitions, complaints, irritations and must-haves. 

Of course, it all begins at the ballot box.  Make sure that you have your voter registration in order for the primary election.  Do your job!  What are you thinking if you don’t?

WAYT: Miscarriage

In case you haven’t heard, Beyonce and Jay-Z’s baby girl Blue Ivy Carter was born a couple months ago.  Everybody wants to criticize Beyonce’s diva delivery and speculate on whether she was ever pregnant, but I want to talk about the miracle of this birth. 

Blue is something more than her father’s bundle of joy because she is the answer to a second prayer.  Here’s what I’m talking about, found in a few lines from Jay-Z’s song Glory inspired by Blue. 

“False alarms and false starts

All made better by the sound of your heart

All the pain of the last time

Prayed so hard that it was the last time…

Last time the miscarriage was so tragic

We was afraid you’d disappear but no baby, you magic”

In this song, Jay-Z is sharing with the world that before Blue, Beyonce suffered a miscarriage.  Just yesterday, (pseudo-celebrity) Bethenny Frankel revealed that she too lost a baby through miscarriage.  More and more, those with a platform are speaking out about their losses. 

For some reason that I can’t comprehend, miscarriage is kept a secret by so many women.  Is it shame that silences us, because we weren’t able to succeed at this defining “woman’s work”?  It is fear that speaking up about our loss will jinx us the next time?  I want to know, what are you thinking, Jay-Z, letting this cat out of the bag?    

I hope that he included this revelation in the song so that he and Beyonce can tell us more about their tragedy someday.  Not so that I can be a voyeur – certainly not – but so that many women out there, myself included, can find comfort in our losses together.  It would be such a weight off of the shoulders of so many to be able to come together in grief and sadness, to feel hope that we can overcome shared tragedy. 

I very much admire female advocates like Giuliana Rancic.  She has very publicly endured and discussed her attempts to conceive.  She is so brave and undoubtedly so scarred by what she’s been through.  Yet she keeps trying for a baby and keeps talking about her experiences.  I became familiar with Giuliana after my husband and I lost our first baby after a miscarriage, and she continues to inspire me in all she does. 

I recently told a relative (MW) that babies are so hard to get because they are such a gift.  I believe those words to be true.  I cherish every single thing about my son, even his dirty diapers, because I could have lost him too.  In fact, I nearly did.  Surely just like Jay-Z and Beyonce, Bethenny and her husband Jason, Giuliana and her husband Bill, my husband and I were afraid, but God was faithful to us and delivered our baby safe and sound. 

Personally, I don’t care what she paid, who she inconvenienced or what she demanded – Beyonce deserves the right to celebrate her baby, her precious blessing Blue.  Every mother does, no matter how easy or how hard it was to arrive at that defining moment of bringing baby home. 

 “What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined - to strengthen each other - to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.”  -George Eliot

WAYT: Money Mistakes

How annoying is it to be in line behind the person at the grocery store who’s writing a check?  What are you thinking, check writer?  Swipe a card or hand over some cash and let’s all get a move on!  The milk’s getting warm!  Anyway, unless you’re getting the checks free from your bank (these days, I doubt it), you’re throwing money away on pieces of paper. 

In my opinion, checks should be used sparingly, only when absolutely necessary.  Who among us can afford to waste their money on anything extra these days?  What a silly expense. 

Every single year, I resolve that I’m going to do better at managing our money.  And every year I don’t.    In the last few years, we’ve incurred a lot of unexpected expenses.  Increased property taxes two years in a row and sewer installation - $2,500 just to agree to hook up.  (All I can do is wonder if I should own a horse and buggy, since we’re so backwards that our community never had a proper sewer system.) 

I am the Director of Finances in our house and for me, the job has a constant learning curve.  I know a lot of people are facing hard times so I hope my tips will help you think differently about your cash flow – and your check writing habits.

1. Set yourself an allowance.  While it sounds juvenile, it’s really helped us.  Frank and I agreed to an amount that works for us for each week and now as soon as we get paid, we literally pay ourselves.  Unexpected bonus perks: less transactions to balance and no more hounding Frank for receipts.  Also, neither one of us is scrutinizing what the other is spending their money on – mind your own business, it’s my allowance!

2. Keep a monthly log of our bills.  As soon as a bill comes in, I record its due date and the amount due.  This helps me decide when to pay what and I can see when my bills are going up.  Frontier is always trying to increase my bill on me.  I’ve learned that if you don’t pay meticulous attention, you’re getting ripped off when your cable, phone or internet provider ticks the cost up a few dollars this month and a few more dollars the next.  They think you won’t notice, so my log system helps me beat them at their own game. 

3. SAVE. I feel so impatient; I expect to see big changes in our account balances in no time and that’s just not how it works.  But since I started the allowance process, I’ve also started a saving process – because we have more money when we’re not spending it all the time – and I am so happy with what I’m seeing.  Also, I set up an automatic draft that squirrels away $10 of each paycheck.  While $5 a week seems like nothing, after one year, I’ll have nearly $300.  That’s $100 each for me, Frank and Auggie to buy Christmas gifts for one another, or it pays for the trip to Frank’s next marathon. 

4. I don’t carry my credit card with me.  It’s so easy to swipe that card and worry about paying for my purchase later.  Except that paying for it later just means I have less money later.  I am now constantly reassuring myself that I don’t need that card, that anything that comes up, even an “emergency,” will be covered by what’s in my checking.  Unless the emergency is a Lamborghini.  I definitely can’t afford that on my debit card.  No credit card means controlling my spending at all times.  That’s a good thing – no Lamborghinis. 

5. Oh, and don’t forget: I hardly use checks anymore!  About three per month.  It’s so liberating, especially because I hate waiting for checks to clear.

Oh, to be young again.  Frank and I were recently reminiscing on the days when we had an apartment in Pontiac with dirt cheap rent and we hardly had any other expenses and we were so happy because we never worried about money.  The last few years, all that we’ve done is worry about money.  No one prepares you for the reality of being an adult.  Sometimes, it’s truly no fun at all. 

To be responsible and grown up, you have to learn these things for yourself.  I’m not saying that what works for me will work for you.  But you have to think about it: what are your money weaknesses?  Do you have any awesome money tips?  I think the key is to just be honest with yourself. 

WAYT: Valentine's Day Fanatics

Frank and I do not celebrate Valentine’s Day.  In the past, even as recently as two years ago, we always made a point to mark the occasion in a particular way.  He is (and I will still say is, even though we don’t celebrate anymore) the king of creative ideas. 

One year, he bought me one of those giant cards and wrote me a poem on cut out hearts that he glued onto the giant card.  One year, when I was living in DC, he bought a pack of kid’s Valentine’s, personalized and numbered them, and sent them to me in a box, so I had to open them in numerical order to read his message to me.  Another year, when I was really into that season of The Bachelor, he laid out rose petals leading into the house and at the end, asked me if I would accept the rose. 

He’s a peach!  Remembering those gifts makes me smile and catch my breath, even years later. 

But now we realize that as a married couple, our relationship isn’t about marking a day with frivolous gifts just because the rest of the world does.  It’s about knowing we have something special every day, and making time to recognize that spontaneously or on any date of our choosing. 

We could be better at that.  I could be better at that. 

The thing about my memories of Frank’s gifts is that I never asked him to do any of that.  I was so wowed because he got creative, and all on his own!  I wonder what are you thinking, people who place insane pressure on your significant others to celebrate Valentine’s Day?  Don’t you think that you’d rather have a significant other who wanted to show you what you mean to him/her all the time?  Rather than be bullied into it by your incessant hint-dropping?  Or your neurotic need to tell everyone about what your person did for you on Valentine’s Day? 

I’m not just saying this because everyone else says it, I’m saying it because it’s true: Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday.  It used to mean something, eons ago.  It used to mark something having to do with history.  I don’t even feel like Googling it to find out the real reason for the holiday; it’s pointless now.  Because that real reason is now hopelessly lost in Consumerism. 

Of course, there are couples who use the date as a special occasion.  No one drops hints, no one throws a fit to get their way.  Personally, I am always more impressed by the couples who have sweet stories to tell all the time.  That shows dedication.  If Walgreens tells me to buy candy and that’s the only time I wake up enough to think of Frank, then I’m missing my life as it flashes by, unmarked and unsweetened. 

I’m lucky because I know that Frank would do those Valentine’s Day things for me any day.  He used to make the effort to mark Valentine’s Day, but nothing would stop him now if he felt like sending me a sweet note on a random Wednesday.  He is known to make a shopping trip and come home with pretty flowers, just to show me he was thinking of me. 

I’m going to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year by digging out my memories box to look back on those past gifts.  Memories are a gift too, you know?  And not just newly created, prompted, scripted or otherwise expected memories. 

WAYT: Rap Music Haters

I love the Grammys!  You know why?  Because I love music!  I especially love the Grammys, because it’s every kind of music in one night, in one location.  A giant music love fest, live on TV.  I love it!

The Grammys appeal to me because I appreciate all different types of music.  I like country, rock, rap, punk, and lately, I especially like the lesser-known acts that are slowly making it onto mainstream radio.  So it bothers me when I hear many people out there say that they absolutely hate rap music.  My mom, in particular, flies into a rage whenever she hears thumping bass at a stoplight.

What are you thinking, rap haters?  Have you ever listened to a rap song?  Can I point out some good rap music for you?  Maybe I can change your mind.

Let’s first agree that there are rap songs and rap artists out there that are absolutely obnoxious.  Let me choose one artist in particular: Eminem.  When he first came onto the scene, he was pure entertainment.  His lyrics were annoying and his music videos were batty.  But since then, Eminem has really changed.  He went through the Hollywood wash cycle – shoot to stardom, drugs, divorce, rehab, new album – and now his music is even more mainstream, and the tone is much different.

Doesn’t everyone know the hook from “Love The Way You Lie”?  That song is the best.  He raps and it has the deep bass beats that my mom hates, but do you know the words that Eminem sings?  The song talks about an abusive relationship in a very honest and raw way.  He tries to spin out the jumbled mess of emotions involved in the relationship and what both sides goes through.  I think that when music of any genre elevates something more than entertainment, the artist should be respected.  Even if Eminem didn’t write those lyrics (in fact, he did - genius), he’s still advocating something.  And that’s to be commended, in my book.

There are also rap artists whose voices are pure music.  Ever heard of Ludacris?  Most of his songs are raunchy (I think they’re fun) but that voice!  It’s deep, but there’s a real harmony and magnetism in his tone.  Drake and T.I. are other rappers with killer voices.

Someday, I’m sure I will no longer like this kind of music.  But I hope that I always appreciate good lyrics.  And I hope that I don’t discriminate simply based on genre.

The other day, I was talking to a work colleague about music.  His teen daughters don’t understand why he doesn’t know about the music that they like, and for him the answer is simple.  He just doesn’t care.  It’s not important to him.  He sticks with what he likes, which is to say, what he liked when he stopped caring about music.

I, on the other hand, care a lot about music.  I love to sing and my biggest wish right now is to buy a guitar so I can get my Taylor Swift on.

Rap went through a real explosion when I was younger and that may have made me partial to its sound.  But I want all of you out there who hate rap music to think about why you hate it.  It is the culture the music supposedly promotes?  It is the lyrics in some of the songs?  Trust me, that’s not true of every artist and every song.  Some of it is art and I’m begging you, don’t hate all of it because of how you feel about some of it.  I promise, there’s something for anyone to love, at least like, out there.

Did I mention, the Grammys?  And that I love them?  Tune in so we can later bash Nicky Minaj – she sings rap music that I dislike.  (See how I said “dislike,” instead of “hate”?)

P.S. In a post today about music, I have to say God bless Whitney Houston.  The news of her passing stopped me in my tracks.  She brought something beautiful to the history of music.  I hope that her soul finds peace now.

WAYT: About Me

I think it’s important to give you a little background on me. 

I already told you that the blog will focus on my attempts to figure out the answer to the eternal question, “What are you thinking?”  I think it’s only fair that you, my readers, should know what motivates what I’m thinking so that maybe you can understand some of my take-aways on almost any topic. 

I grew up in McLean, attended Olympia High School and graduated from Illinois College in Jacksonville, Illinois, with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Political Science.  I married a fellow IC alum, Frank Arnolts III.  My husband and I ultimately found great jobs in the Bloomington area.  We now call Downs, Illinois, our home.  We recently welcomed our baby boy Auggie.  He is just over a year old, and he is the absolute best little guy! 

The one thing that jumps out at a lot of people who meet me is that my college major was Political Science.  From what I understand, this is somewhat off-putting, especially these days.  More and more, politics has become a part of our daily lives.  I believe this is mostly attributable to the non-stop media cycle, but I think this also has something to do with the pervasive obsession with celebrity that has deeply rooted itself into the collective conscience. 

I got into politics for reasons completely removed from any of that.  I was always a good student throughout school.  But when I was in college, I found myself marking more and more options off the list.  The thought of being a teacher bored me, and my obvious lack of skill at computing and higher level scientific thinking shut me out of several career opportunities.  At a critical juncture in my young life, I asked myself one question: “What in the wide, wide world do I need to know more about?” 

Being a sophomore in college in 2003 meant a lot of things to kids my age, but to me, it meant that the world had fundamentally changed.  We spent a lot of time debating who we could even trust anymore.  Looking back on it, it was a scary time.  And I was at a liberal arts college, one that challenged the mind on every level, but most importantly, challenged you as a whole person.  The professors expected us to think and act and be involved in the public discourse.  So what did I need to know more about at that juncture in American history?  Politics first, history second, and religion third.  There you have my major and two minor courses of study. 

Politics, history and religion merge in the field of international politics, which was my focus.  It’s a place where, every day, there’s a gut-check moment.  What I learned then, and what I saw firsthand when I worked in Washington DC, was that the world truly is that cruel place you’ve always been warned about – but not here in America.  What I see now is that the United States is becoming that cruel place more and more, because things that formerly existed only for a small minority – homelessness, joblessness, helplessness – are finding their way into the lives of the “rank and file,” into the lives of the people who we know and love. 

Since I’ve been out of school, I’ve distanced myself very much from those topics.  I work in politics, but not international politics.  And I’m just an administrative assistant.  It’s not like I’m really working for a cause, per se.  But I watch and listen for the latest news about those things that made me passionate about politics, as my world revolves around my little family.  I’m definitely more interested in laid-back things like reading, stacking blocks, and Twilight.  But I’ll gladly jump into a debate any time, as long as I feel it’s reasoned.    

I’d like to sum up this introduction by welcoming you to keep reading.  I hope that even though I’m a (mostly closeted) political junkie, you’ll still read what I have to say.  I hope that you find my opinions relatable, but I hope that I’ll say a thing or two that will provoke a response.  I hope that here on my blog, we can freely and peaceably trade in the marketplace of ideas.