WAYT: Almost road rage

I have serious impatience when I’m driving.  I get to work half an hour early every day (and leave half an hour early every day) because I cannot stand to drive in the work traffic.  I can’t even explain to you how much I need people to follow the rules of the road. 

I don’t consider myself an expert but there are certain things that everyone should do when they’re driving that it seems NO ONE does when I’m out and about.  Please, at the very least, follow these six simple rules and I won’t have to suffer from high blood pressure or honk at you for five minutes or give you the middle finger. 

1.  Drive in the right lane unless you are passing.  This is more than a courtesy.  It’s an actual law.  I used to work for someone who helped to pass this law in Illinois.  Once, I was driving him somewhere and I was using the wrong lane.  This was the first time I was made aware of this law and ever since, I have followed it and not just because I got in trouble.  I follow it because it makes good sense and because it is courteous to stay out of the way.  Furthermore, if you’re going to be turning left in three miles, you can get over into the left lane shortly before you need to turn.  You don’t need to get over so far in advance before your turn that you’re backing everyone else up while you drive along thinking about no one but yourself.

2.  Do not drive so slowly that you are endangering the lives of yourself and everyone around you.  This is a huge peeve.  If you’re driving 40 in a 55, you are going to get yourself killed.  If you are elderly and you feel unsafe driving at the speed limit (or within 5 miles per hour of the speed limit), please get in touch with me.  I will gladly accept paid offers to drive the aged and infirm wherever they need to go.  Seriously.  Public service AND public safety are that important to me. 

3.  Navigate into the closest lane when you are turning.  You can’t just go swinging your car into whatever lane you like.  This is especially important when other cars are allowed to turn at the same time that you are turning.  Everyone can do their driving at the same time if everyone turns into the appropriate lane!  It’s like magic – it’s almost like the people who designed the rules were thinking about easy flow of traffic when they dreamed up this one.  So get with the program!

4.  Slow down to the speed limit or less when driving in a construction zone.  I just received an email from my father-in-law informing me of the new cameras that will automatically send you a ticket when they record you speeding in a construction zone.  Those signs about killing construction workers should be enough to slow you down.  But apparently, for most drivers, vehicular homicide isn’t enough incentive.  The fact is, if you’re speeding in a construction zone and you hit a giant sand-filled cone, a stray piece of equipment, a big chunk of the road or a giant pot hole, your car – and maybe you – will be dead.  I’m all for moving along at the correct speed but this is one place where I will always slow down.  And if you want to tailgate me and curse me, feel free, but I will speed up for no one in a construction zone. 

5.  Leave your dog at home, or strap him down.  Legislators can pass all the laws they want to ban texting or talking on the phone while driving, but I want to know why no one is talking about every other person’s dog running loose in the car.  Every car I pass has a dog hopping around in it.  Before you leave the house with your dog, please consider the fact that if your dog is not wearing a safety restraint, he will die if you crash.  Also, your dog will get both of you killed when he jumps up and licks you in the eye when the light turns yellow.  I love to see a cute dog, but I especially love to see a happy dog safely in the back seat hanging his tongue out the window and not distracting you while you’re operating a (potential) one ton death machine. 

6.  Teach new drivers REALITY-BASED driving skills.  I cannot tell you how many times I have come up behind a “Student Driver” that is going at least 15 miles per hour under the speed limit.  Why are instructors teaching them this?  What are they thinking?  Do these teachers realize that all they are doing is creating a complex in these kids?  While the students putz around in this embarrassing marked car, getting honked at and passed at Mach speeds, they feel embarrassed and irritated at you for giving them a bad driving lesson.  The first thing they are going to want to do when they are behind the wheel by themselves is open it up on a country road and just fly.  Just tell the kids that it’s okay to drive the speed limit.  It’s even okay to push that limit.  The main thing any new driver needs to know is to be aware and protect yourself.  Watch for slow drivers, get over for emergency vehicles every time, slow down for speed zones – but do not watch yourself get smashed by the idiot driving 80 in a 55 because your teacher told you to go slow.  Tell these kids the truth!

I’m sure that many of you have irritations when you are driving.  What are your rules of the road?  What do you think of puppy passengers?  I’m seriously considering writing to my legislator and asking him what can be done about that.  Stay tuned!