WAYT: Miscarriage

In case you haven’t heard, Beyonce and Jay-Z’s baby girl Blue Ivy Carter was born a couple months ago.  Everybody wants to criticize Beyonce’s diva delivery and speculate on whether she was ever pregnant, but I want to talk about the miracle of this birth. 

Blue is something more than her father’s bundle of joy because she is the answer to a second prayer.  Here’s what I’m talking about, found in a few lines from Jay-Z’s song Glory inspired by Blue. 

“False alarms and false starts

All made better by the sound of your heart

All the pain of the last time

Prayed so hard that it was the last time…

Last time the miscarriage was so tragic

We was afraid you’d disappear but no baby, you magic”

In this song, Jay-Z is sharing with the world that before Blue, Beyonce suffered a miscarriage.  Just yesterday, (pseudo-celebrity) Bethenny Frankel revealed that she too lost a baby through miscarriage.  More and more, those with a platform are speaking out about their losses. 

For some reason that I can’t comprehend, miscarriage is kept a secret by so many women.  Is it shame that silences us, because we weren’t able to succeed at this defining “woman’s work”?  It is fear that speaking up about our loss will jinx us the next time?  I want to know, what are you thinking, Jay-Z, letting this cat out of the bag?    

I hope that he included this revelation in the song so that he and Beyonce can tell us more about their tragedy someday.  Not so that I can be a voyeur – certainly not – but so that many women out there, myself included, can find comfort in our losses together.  It would be such a weight off of the shoulders of so many to be able to come together in grief and sadness, to feel hope that we can overcome shared tragedy. 

I very much admire female advocates like Giuliana Rancic.  She has very publicly endured and discussed her attempts to conceive.  She is so brave and undoubtedly so scarred by what she’s been through.  Yet she keeps trying for a baby and keeps talking about her experiences.  I became familiar with Giuliana after my husband and I lost our first baby after a miscarriage, and she continues to inspire me in all she does. 

I recently told a relative (MW) that babies are so hard to get because they are such a gift.  I believe those words to be true.  I cherish every single thing about my son, even his dirty diapers, because I could have lost him too.  In fact, I nearly did.  Surely just like Jay-Z and Beyonce, Bethenny and her husband Jason, Giuliana and her husband Bill, my husband and I were afraid, but God was faithful to us and delivered our baby safe and sound. 

Personally, I don’t care what she paid, who she inconvenienced or what she demanded – Beyonce deserves the right to celebrate her baby, her precious blessing Blue.  Every mother does, no matter how easy or how hard it was to arrive at that defining moment of bringing baby home. 

 “What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined - to strengthen each other - to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.”  -George Eliot