WAYT: Chick hits

We women don’t do ourselves any favors.  What are we thinking?  Poor attitudes will be our ruination.

Historically, there have been books, movies, works of art, catch phrases, etc. ad infinitum about how women are so confusing.  It must be because we’re given so many messages throughout our lives about how we’re expected to act that when it’s all said and done, there’s no clear right or wrong.  We’re left to make it all up as we go along and sometimes it gets ugly. 

I would not (read: cannot) classify myself as someone who has a lot of friends.  This has always been the case for me.  Sure, when I was young, I had friends (still have a few today, SW and AW in particular).  I think the reason for that is because when we were young we were nice because we hadn’t honed our skills at meanness.  Learning to share (or not) was simply cutting our baby teeth, so to speak.  It’s when you start to learn more about yourself that you begin to see differences in others. 

Many people look at me and see things they don’t like.  Some people don’t like me because I’m thin, because they think I’m mouthy, and sometimes, simply because I exist.  Most often, the reason that others dislike me is the fact that I don’t care whether they like me or not.  Others read my indifference as a superiority complex.  I’ll admit to that, in a way – read on. 

I spent many years torturing myself because I didn’t have friends and I couldn’t manage to keep the few I thought were the best.  And then I realized that I had to learn to like myself if I wanted to attract people who could like me in return, lumps and all.  So I spent many years trying to find ways to like myself.  Eventually, I gave up.  I realized that being yourself should be effortless.  If you have to defend yourself and explain away your idiosyncrasies, you’re not being you.  I stopped and I was still and now I’m me.  So while I may come across as seeming “superior,” truly what I feel is “self-assured.”  I’m not afraid of me and that grates on people, especially those who aren’t okay with themselves. 

I’m constantly repaid for my years of effort with the venom of other women.  (Men typically could care less about women and our drama, unless they’re the men who (mercifully) chose to attach their lives to ours.  God bless you, Frank Arnolts.)  If I choose my husband over a female friend, I’m clingy.  If I choose my baby, I’m overprotective.  If I choose anything over another woman, I am not a faithful friend.  Lots of women believe that we owe one another unbreakable solidarity due to the common denominator of our chromosomes; I think that’s ridiculous.  Many women are very high-maintenance and require constant reassurance, especially from other women; I think that’s ridiculous. 

In my experience, most women respond to any perceived slight with something passive-aggressive.  The phrase “just kidding” is a prime example.  There’s rarely a conflicted moment in the history of the world that passed between two women when one of them got their feelings hurt and didn’t feel a need to dig back when it was past the time for recriminations.  It’s the trademark of our gender.  I try so hard to squash that behavior.  I’m not to the “typical” girl.  If you want gushy affection, look elsewhere.  If you want sappy pity, I mete it out sparingly.  Life is tough enough without acting foolishly and playing silly games. 

As a species, we’re doing ourselves a disservice.  This is why we’re considered weaker.  We let our emotions get involved when the majority of the time it’s not warranted.  We should really take lessons from the boys and wear a stiff upper lip.  Sure, constantly reminding myself that I don’t care is annoying, but it saves me a lot of wasted effort trying to talk rationally to an irrational woman.  I stick to what I believe in and I don’t cater to the insecurities of others.  We’re all wasting our time if we can’t find it within ourselves to see things clearly and honestly.

I know that I’m not perfect.  Many times, I’ve succumbed to this behavior that I despise.  But knowing myself means admitting my faults and owning my weaknesses.  I’m getting better and better at saying sorry and swallowing down that selfish pride that makes me want to bite back.  What about you?

This post isn’t inspired by a specific person or thing, so I’m not trying to do the “passive-aggressive social media sidestep” here.  I’m simply telling you, my readers, about my experiences in life.  I’m sure there are people who know me that will read this and practically roll their eyes out of their sockets and then get mad at me for secretly writing about them.  For the record, that is not the case today.

 

WAYT: Shhh

What is it about this women’s contraception debate that is making everyone so angry?  I cannot for the life of me understand why the public is so up in arms over this.  Maybe it’s because everyone wants to be loud.  I’d like to talk about it quietly.  Here’s how I see it.    

Religious organizations have the right to their beliefs; indeed, they exist because of their beliefs.  The employees of those organizations have a right to their beliefs, unless the religious group requires otherwise.  If it is part of the religious group’s benefits package to give insurance to their employees, that is the contract.  The group owes it to the employee to provide the insurance because they said they would.  If the religious organization has a philosophical objection to the components of the insurance plan, then they should not offer the insurance. 

If the employee cannot abide by the beliefs of the religious group in order to accept the insurance coverage, then the employee either should not work for the group or the employee should find other insurance. 

What do you think?  Do you think that makes sense?

I fully understand that now it’s not that simple.  If the group doesn’t want to provide the objectionable insurance, it will soon have to pay a penalty.  Is that discriminatory against their beliefs – to be monetarily penalized for having a religious objection to the insurance plan?  Maybe.  I know enough constitutional law to see a conflict there. 

Also for the employees, it’s not that simple.  Everyone will soon be required to have insurance.  Employees might have to pay more out in the open market than they would pay to receive the benefit from the group that employs them.  That’s not right either. 

Are the beliefs greater than providing healthcare, and should you have to choose? 

I understand that some people are patently against contraception for women.  I personally can never agree with that.  You can feel that way, but that’s where we differ and I’m going to take the fork in the road.  See you later. 

In all instances, ALL instances, I believe that every single person has the right to their own choices and beliefs.  It does not have to be as complicated as the news media and the Senators and Congress people want you to believe!  Our leaders need to chill out and talk about it behind closed doors.  Stop yelling at one another from on high.  Draw a simple flow chart and find a way through the mess, then report back to us later. 

I can tell you that in my personal life, health insurance has saved me.  If I had been forced to bear the costs of my health issues out-of-pocket, I would be in bankruptcy or I’d be in jail for attempting to rob a bank.  The various health policies that I’ve held have allowed me to make choices and maintain my health while striking a fair balance between what I do and don’t pay for. 

I am sensitive to the groups who don’t want to provide certain services because of their beliefs.  I’m Catholic, after all.  My choice of church is one hundred percent something I came to on my own later in life, and that was my right.  But my mother-in-law once told me that I don’t have to believe everything they tell me because it’s what’s in my heart that matters most.  So I don’t abide by or agree with every single thing the church tells me.  Maybe that makes me eighty nine percent Catholic and puts me outside of the norm.  Maybe that’s why I feel the way I do about this contraception issue.  Maybe the church would rather not have me claim them!

But I’m certain that in this debate, being flexible is the only thing that will work.  You can’t please all of the people all of the time.  Others will take the fork in the road with me, while others will stay their course.  The common denominator is that we all have to agree that our choices to diverge are fair because we are who we are and we can’t change our essential make-ups. 

In the spirit of considering both sides, then, please consider this: many people are opposed to abortion.  Probably more people are against it than are for it.  But who is crying out against the opposite?  I’m thinking of that woman everyone called “Octomom.”  She sought medical assistance to produce all of her babies and ended up with fourteen.  Is there not something to be said for falling in the middle, and letting that be okay?