WAYT: This pretty penny is two-sided

Sometimes, celebrities are disgusting.  This story about former supermodel Linda Evangelista is making me sick.  I will give the woman a lot of credit for giving her son the fantastic name of Augustin.  I literally gasped when I read that because my Auggie’s given name is Augustin.  But the awesome baby name does not make up for her outrageous child support claims.  What is she thinking?????

How on earth could a child cost you $46,000 PER MONTH?  This is simply impossible.  Truly, I don’t believe that’s the real amount because it is so massive.  I’m trying to imagine a world where I could spend that much on my Auggie and no matter what outlandish, expensive thing I think about, I can’t conjure up a version of reality where life costs that much money. 

I spend maybe $1,000 per month on my son at this point in his life.  Let me break it down. 

Ø  Health insurance: $170

Ø  Daycare (based on 4 weeks in a month): $600

Ø  Diapers (based on one and a half boxes split between home and daycare): $30

Ø  Wipes: $5

Ø  Diaper Genie liner (a critical baby supply): $5

Ø  Water for bath, dishes and laundry: $20

Ø  Food (based on grocery bills and occasional meals outside of the home): $150

Ø  Clothes (I like to shop but it’s not always necessary so this is an average): $25

This list can’t possibly contain everything.  I suppose I could include the cost of the gas I use to take him to daycare and the cost of the occasional doctor bill.  And there are other incidentals that come up when the mood strikes, like portraits for a particular age milestone.   

But anyway, if I multiply that $1,000 per month by the 12 months in a calendar year, my Auggie costs me around $12,000 per year.  Compared to Augie Pinault (or whatever his last name may be), my Auggie is an orphan. 

Does Augie only wear clothes from Barney’s?  Perhaps he lives out his days in bowties.  Does Augie only eat caviar?  Certainly that can’t agree with his digestive system.  Is Linda planning to have to have every bathroom in her home retrofitted with a bidet so that Augie’s precious bottom can always be clean and shiny?  I’m reaching here, because I’m trying to imagine how this kid is so costly. 

Even if I took my Auggie on a Disney cruise every single month, we couldn’t possibly spend $46,000! 

I am, however, thoroughly insulted that anyone would accuse Linda Evangelista of suing for this much money to enrich herself.  This is the constant defense of men everywhere who don’t want to pay child support.  Their argument goes something like this: “If I give you my money so that you can put our kid in daycare, then you get to go to work and make more money.  How’s that fair to me?”  Of course, there are many variations on this theme.  I hear this on two of my favorite shows, Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant, a lot.  And it’s SO backwards and so infuriating. 

Any woman who asks for child support is, first and foremost, asking for what is due of any man who is responsible for the existence of a child.  And secondly, that woman may end up making a profit if you’re paying her what she’s owed.  But I doubt that any part of receiving your money is going to make her feel enriched. 

I often try to imagine how single mothers (women like my mother when I was little) survive completely on their own.  When I’m alone with Auggie even for just an evening after work, I end the night feeling pretty tired and pretty alone.  It’s the highest high to spend that time with Auggie, just the two of us.  But it’s the lowest low to put him to bed and be all by myself with nothing but a bag of Oreos in hand and some reality TV to keep me company. 

Child support should neither be a means for you to spoil your child with an overly lavish lifestyle nor a means for others to look down their noses at you.  I feel sorry for the other Augie, the one who isn’t mine.  What kind of world view will he have?  He sure sounds spoiled!  But then again, his mother never has to wish that she could buy him a house complete with a toy storage shed and a fence for a puppy; she can simply DO IT, on command, because she is lucky enough to have more than enough money to accomplish her dream for her son.  On the other hand, I doubt Linda will be very happy seeing that mess of toys and dog poop in the yard.  I bet she’ll wish she had a man like Henri Pinault, except a version of Henri that loved her and Augie and helped clean up those toys and that dog poop. 

Money can’t keep you warm at night.  But a simple lifestyle that revolves around happiness can, and Linda will never be able to buy that for Augie; she’ll have to create it on her own because those stacks of cash won’t do the job for her. 

WAYT: Toddler Apparel Extravaganza

Today I need to ask myself, “What Are You Thinking?”

I went shopping with my mom this weekend and spent more money on Auggie than I did on myself.  Figures.  That’s how it always goes.  I have money for me and I throw it all at the kid. 

I’d like to blame this problem on Auggie’s extreme cuteness.  I feel an obsessive need to dress His Cuteness in reasonably priced yet colorful and darling clothes.  That’s the kind of kid I want him to be.  Reasonable, colorful, darling.  So far, success. 

I washed up the new baby clothes, folded them, stacked them together in outfits to help the mornings go more smoothly and then went to remove all of the winter stuff to box it away and make room in the dresser for the new not-quite-spring stuff. 

Except when I took the winter stuff out of the drawers, I had nowhere to put it.  I’ve got the 9-12 month clothes box on the floor to be taken to storage, the 12-18 month box is up on the shelf also destined for storage and now I have no box on hand for the 18-24 month stuff. 

What am I thinking?  This is all way too much.  He’s just a tiny little person!  He has single handedly hogged all of my storage space and continues to demand more.  And it’s not just the clothes.  I cannot even begin to detail the plethora of toys and the mountains of gear that are stockpiled in my basement. 

I’m going to console myself over my blatant consumerism by taking into consideration the clothes I am preparing to store.  There isn’t anything in those stacks that he didn’t wear.  For me, this is progress!  In the past when we’ve switched into a new season, there are a handful of things that Auggie never wore.  This time, not so much. 

I’m learning! 

So now, I have to just stick to this handful of outfits until it’s truly warm enough to buy summer clothes.  When that time comes around, I’ll probably just change a few words in this post and pin it up here again!  Admitting your problems is the first step…

WAYT: Baby teeth

I’m trying not to jump to conclusions about the news stories just out telling us all about babies with cavities.  I don’t want to get up on my soapbox and lecture about the problems with kids and sugar because I know that a little sugar never hurt anyone!    

But there are parents out there who need a good ol’ “What are you thinking?”  The lessons that can be taken from these stories are pretty simple: If you’re feeding your kid juice, cookies, fruit snacks or similar sugar-filled foods and drinks every day, his dental health is going to suffer.  If you don’t teach your kid to brush his teeth, his dental health is going to suffer.  If you do both – give him sugary food and never brush his teeth – his dental health is definitely going to suffer. 

I’ll admit right now that I could do way better about making sure that my Auggie brushes his teeth.  I think when I get home tonight, I’m going to put Auggie’s toothbrush in his stash of race cars.  He’s sure to find it there, pick it up and get to brushing on his own. 

On the other hand, though, I don’t worry much about his teeth.  He’s got a lot of them for one so small as he, but he doesn’t eat anything that I would classify as junk.  He doesn’t get juice EVER; it’s only milk or water for him.  We feed him primarily what we eat at mealtimes, and we eat healthy.  He hardly ever eats any “packaged” snacks because I favor plain or multi-grain Cheerios for him.  His only treats are an occasional tiny, tiny crumb of any sweets Frank or I decide to eat in his presence, and only when he asks nicely for a bite. 

I was a kid with cavities.  I also had a crook for a dentist who thought I was his personal cash cow and my family only wanted to do good things for me so they believed what he said and followed his recommendations.  So I’m a little leery of fully believing these latest stories.  Not all those in medical professions can be trusted. 

For example, the news told me last night that my son should have started going to the dentist when he turned one.  I missed the deadline to add him to my dental insurance this year and the next deadline won’t come until after he turns two.  I’m not going to have any guilt over that.  His pediatrician has never provided me with a toothbrush for him and I can’t even remember her asking me about his dental hygiene practices at our last meeting.  I simply ask my dentist for a new baby toothbrush when I visit every six months and talk to the hygienist about what I can do for him while he’s so little.  I’ve done my best, put it to rest. 

There is a lot of stuff out there that, as a parent, you have to filter out.  But there are a lot of bad parenting practices that, in my mind, should fall into the category of common sense.  For example, it’s okay to give your kid tap water to drink.  It’s not okay to give him pop!  It’s okay to skip toothpaste when they’re as little as Auggie.  It’s not okay to not even own a toothbrush for your munchkin!  At least if you had the toothbrush laying around, it might jog your memory once in a while. 

No parent can be perfect (I’m not) and no child can be perfect (Auggie’s not).  But there are a lot of parents out there these days who don’t stick to their guns, ones who let their kids run the show.  I’m not that mom.  I have learned that if you’re lax about setting boundaries or if let your guard down for one second and skirt the rules, your child won’t soon forget it.  Sure, no one wants to be the parent of the child who throws a fit because he ended up with a cup of water and Cheerios or because he doesn’t like that toothbrush in his mouth, but do you want to trade in a tantrum for ruined teeth?  I don’t. 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my grandma, it’s her constant mantra that you have to be healthy top to bottom.  If your teeth are sick, you’re on a slippery slope to getting sick somewhere else in your body.  When news stories like this latest one about kids’ teeth come out, there’s plenty to take in and change about your routine but there’s also plenty to throw out.  What do you think about this latest advice from doctors and dentists?