WAYT: Ryan Lochte is the worst party guest

I honestly don’t care that Prince Harry got naked in Vegas.  What I do care about, is that he would spend his free time with Ryan Lochte.  What are you thinking, Henry Charles Albert David?

Everyone knows that Harry is the cheeky prince.  Maybe I’d have to be British to be outraged that he was up to no good on his post-Olympics vacation.  Except that I’ve accepted Harry for who he is, so I’m just not surprised that he got caught again. 

Harry once made a real mistake, dressing up like a Nazi for Halloween.  (Harry really needs to get some better security who will sweep his playmates for recording devices.)  But this isn’t that big of a deal.  He went to Vegas, found some chicks who wanted to hang with him (me, me!), became inebriated, and took off his knickers.  I’ve been to Vegas and didn’t party like that, but we all know this is the type of thing that Vegas is meant for.

Everyone makes mistakes.  Everyone has lapses in judgment.  And at least no one is filing charges against him. 

In my opinion, the most egregious offense is that Harry would grant an audience to Ryan Lochte.  Sure, the guy is a decorated Olympian.  Sure, all of the American swimmers are nice to look at – I don’t know how you you could train as hard as they do and not become a drool-worthy physical specimen.  But the fact of the matter is, Ryan Lochte is obnoxious. 

A grill on the medal podium?  The catch phrase “Jeah”?  Allowing your mom to tell the morning news shows that you deal in one night stands?  This guy annoys me more than Justin Bieber.  I admire Lochte’s talent, but he’s a punk. 

Of course the media is blowing this whole story way out of proportion.  It’s not a violation of free speech for the monarchy to ask the press to leave the pictures of Harry off the front page.  I personally don’t need to see Harry’s crown jewels covered by a black dot.  That would be an exploitation of Harry, and in my opinion, a violation of his right to privacy.  When the Queen tells the press they had better not publish the pictures, that’s the message that I receive.  If you think that Harry meant for the whole world to see these pictures, I’m sure you’re wrong.    

The media is always on a witch hunt.  They always want to sensationalize beyond all reason, and they always want to tear everyone down to their lowest common denominator. 

I don’t find Harry to be a disgrace.  I find him to be remarkably honest in his youth and inexperience.  If anyone’s lived a sheltered life, I’m sure it’s him.  Sure, he’s met world leaders and fills a huge public role for Great Britain, but he’s still young, still a bachelor, and still one of the richest guys on the planet, surrounded by people who try to protect his interests because he’s not capable of doing it for himself all the time.  How sensible can you be when you live his life?  I wonder. 

Don’t you suppose that Harry feels pretty lonely and sad now?  There he was, having a great time and letting loose, and now he’s been exposed and ridiculed and it’s still not enough – the press and the public want more.  It’s actually disgusting that anyone would turn his Vegas trip into what it’s become. 

And while I’m preaching, for heaven’s sake Ryan Lochte, quit whoring yourself out for any promotional opportunity you can find.  What are you thinking?  You don’t need to be The Bachelor, you don’t need to copyright every stupid thought that ends up coming out of your mouth and you don’t need this much attention.  You are about to cross the line that Harry hasn’t.  Be content with your Wheaties box and leave us all alone for a while. 

P.S. I’ve been gone for a while due to site maintenance.  In case you were wondering…

WAYT: Splash some cold water on your face

I love the summer Olympics.  It’s like a special treat, during these long months when network TV is mostly showing re-runs, to see some fresh programming.  It makes me happy to see other people exercising and/or generally showing some spunk on TV while I sit on my couch, snacks within easy reach.  Also, the Olympics feel special to me.  I love the camaraderie of it all (though I’m sure those competing against one another don’t feel the same way). 

It’s not that I feel solidarity with my fellow Americans and experience a rush of nationalistic pride; it’s nothing like that.  Maybe it’s seeing some of the strongest people in our country showing that some of us can set our minds to something, follow through and be successful.  Maybe it’s seeing these athletes perform so effortlessly.  Maybe it’s remembering when I used to have that drive and those same aspirations. 

I grew up in gymnastics.  As early as I can remember, I went to tumbling classes and I stayed in tumbling until well past the age when it was cool.  My grandma is a big USA supporter and one summer Olympics, she went all out and bought me all sorts of cool USA gear.  I didn’t realize at that age that I would not ever be Dominique Moceanu, but that didn’t stop me from feeling as if she was living out my dream. 

I can’t help but see the other side of Olympic fame when I look at Michael Phelps.  Here’s a guy who has been the face of the summer Olympics for the US for over a decade and clearly has a love/hate relationship with the whole thing. 

Many people must wonder what is he thinking?  Doesn’t he love all this money?  Doesn’t he have that killer instinct driving him to win, win, win?  Doesn’t he want more gold medals?  Is he lazy?

I can’t tell.  I can tell this much: we are lucky that Michael Phelps ever met up with a swimming pool. 

When he was a boy, his mom could have signed him up for golf or lacrosse.  He could have hated swimming.  When she found out he was a good swimmer, she could have encouraged him to take up lifeguarding.  He might have liked that – chilling in a big chair with an umbrella, checking out cute girls.  When she started carting him around the the far ends of the earth to compete in every swimming match ever, she could have put her foot down.  He could have decided that he didn’t want to become The Michael Phelps we know today. 

And yet it’s 2012 and he’s still here.  He lost his first individual race and everyone thinks the sky is falling.  Maybe he was stunned that he lost; maybe he didn’t know it was possible to NOT medal in every single event now that he’s become who he has become.  Maybe he felt lighter; maybe it’s a burden to carry so many expectations on your uniquely-jointed shoulders.  Maybe he felt stunned and lighter – a strange contradiction he never expected to feel. 

It’s no secret that he could train harder.  Which means that it should serve as no surprise that he’s not a shark.  He doesn’t bite at others the way even his own teammates bite at him.  I believe that he loves a competition, but I could also see where he feels he’s already done what he felt driven to do.  Maybe he’s gotten all he ever wanted and he feels at peace with resting on his laurels, picking the races where he’ll take fourth place.  Or maybe he’s a three-time Olympian in a sport that requires a lot, and he doesn’t have what it takes to train hard enough anymore. 

We may never know about any of that.  I think that everyone needs to back off the guy.  Some people act like he Owes Us something because Our Country sent him there to Represent Us and it’s all Very Important.  Then again, none of us are exactly perfect, and we can’t be exactly perfect even when it matters most.  On one of the most important days of my life, the day I was supposed to give birth to my son, I couldn’t.  My body tried and tried and then it gave up on me and my doctors had to resort to doing the work for me.  Michael Phelps doesn’t have to be more than me to continue to be Michael Phelps.  Four years ago, he wowed, awed, amazed, and shocked me – he was more than I could have ever asked for in a US Olympic athlete.  This year, he’s less than that, but he is still who he always was. 

Don’t worry – he’s enough.  And that’s true of all the other athletes we sent to London, especially female gymnast Jordyn Wieber and male gymnast John Orozco.  I say, be still and enjoy the show.